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To Kill a soul.

When I was young I think everything was new and it was easer to look with hope on the future.
Now on the other hand, it seems it's harder to do so. I don't think I should be having this issue. If it weren't for a walk with God, my soul would be dead right now. These days I feel like my insides are holding on by way of the tips of my fingers. I feel my mind slipping slowly from the edge of the huge ravine that doesn't have an end. Though part of me, probably the part of me that God occupies, says, "let go trust." I'm not sure what it is I’m holding on too still. Maybe it's marriage. I don't want to lose hope for that though. The vast abyss of adventure calls to me to let go.

When I was young, I would climb the best trees in the neighborhood. I often tried to find the highest limb I could jump out of with out hurting myself when I landed. I loved climbing and jumping out of trees. There was always that moment just before I leapt of, owowow…, you know the part where your breath catches, as you do something that might hurt and yet give you a rush of Joy and thrill. It makes you smile, from the inside… Some times I get what I call the silent version of that feeling. It’s a chill that goes over your body when you hear or see something so beautiful that it moves you to tears or laughter, or the combination of both at the same time. When I experience these times I feel as if my spirit is trying to leap out of my earthly bond. I don’t experience that as much as I once did as a young woman. I wonder if my soul is dying from stagnation and the humdrum of life.

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