Skip to main content

To Kill a soul.

When I was young I think everything was new and it was easer to look with hope on the future.
Now on the other hand, it seems it's harder to do so. I don't think I should be having this issue. If it weren't for a walk with God, my soul would be dead right now. These days I feel like my insides are holding on by way of the tips of my fingers. I feel my mind slipping slowly from the edge of the huge ravine that doesn't have an end. Though part of me, probably the part of me that God occupies, says, "let go trust." I'm not sure what it is I’m holding on too still. Maybe it's marriage. I don't want to lose hope for that though. The vast abyss of adventure calls to me to let go.

When I was young, I would climb the best trees in the neighborhood. I often tried to find the highest limb I could jump out of with out hurting myself when I landed. I loved climbing and jumping out of trees. There was always that moment just before I leapt of, owowow…, you know the part where your breath catches, as you do something that might hurt and yet give you a rush of Joy and thrill. It makes you smile, from the inside… Some times I get what I call the silent version of that feeling. It’s a chill that goes over your body when you hear or see something so beautiful that it moves you to tears or laughter, or the combination of both at the same time. When I experience these times I feel as if my spirit is trying to leap out of my earthly bond. I don’t experience that as much as I once did as a young woman. I wonder if my soul is dying from stagnation and the humdrum of life.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Little mundane pleasures of life

It’s Monday afternoon, and I am very thankful for the little mundane pleasures of life that God gives us.  For Lunch I sautéed onions in a bit of butter, I seasoned it with garlic powder and dried cilantro a bit of black pepper and some pink Himalayan sea salt.  After the onions were slightly soft, I lowered the temp on the stove top and cracked three eggs over the onions, after they were set a bit I turned them and the onions over and added a bit of parmesan.  after two more minutes it was ready with the eggs being just a little runny.  It was really good.  As I sat there eating I thanked our Father as I took a bite.  I thanked him for each ingredient and I thanked him for letting us experience good tasting things. for making our taste buds.  He didn’t have to do that, He didn’t have to make us that way and he didn’t have to make good tasting things to eat, but he did.  
Post a Comment
Read more

Colorado

In the fall of 1995 I attended vincennes University. I studied sign language and English. All that semester, I was not motivated, and I had decided that I didn't know what I wanted to major in. As December came around I had decided not to go back second semester. That first semester was already really expensive, and I didn't want to spend more money when I had know idea what I wanted to do. I moved back home, and got a job at Wall-mart as a night st ocker in the craft and fabric department. I hated it, and worst of all I felt like I was a failer. At that point, sense i was working at night and sleeping during the day I really did not have a group of people to fellowship with. Also, all my friends had moved away to collage or got married and started having kids. In July of 1996, I decided to take advantage of my Aunt and Uncle's offer to come stay with them in Colorado, I remember making the chose as a response to feeling like I was too comfortable just living at home. I lo...
2 comments
Read more

wet pavement.

Remember that song we used to sing when we were kids, the one we sang when we wanted to go frolic in the out doors but we didn't because it was raining. Rain rain go away come again some other day. Or the one about the old man, It's raining it's poring the old man is snoring, he got out of bed and bumped his head and couldn't get up in the morning. Why did we sing those songs, I mean what happen to the old man? I remember, a few times, during the summer when I was a kid my parents would let us play in the rain. This sounds strange I think, but I like the smell of wet pavement, and I used to lay on it face up eyes closed, every other sense awake. The side walk would be warm from the summer sun of the day, and the rain falling on me would be cool. I remember thinking this is so beautiful God. To know God, is to really experience life, in a vivid sort of way, to have every sense, AWAKE.
3 comments
Read more